Avoidance
Most of us are really good at it. My wife, my brothers, my kids, my friends, my
colleagues, yet all will agree that they avoid things, but none as well as I.
For me it’s laziness mostly.
But in one instance in my life it’s been an unknown feeling that never
made me happy. Until a few days ago, I
managed to avoid every single high school reunion/party I could. I even avoided College ones for a while too,
but that wasn’t the same.
Since finishing HS, I have been invited to about 10
different HS related events, the school’s 75th and 100th
birthday, a ten year, 20 year and 30th reunion amongst them. Facebook has made reunions a little easier to
both organize and stomach for me.
Why the avoidance?
Fear mostly, inner fear, none different than anyone else’s fear I
suspect.
As time rolls forward, I look more to the past for guidance,
and as I watch my own kids evolve into adults I see so much of my life
reflected in theirs, in particular, the shitty stuff. I was about as awkward a teen as there
was. 25% acne coated nerd, 25%
know-it-all, 25% obnoxious, and 25% well adjusted, mature and evolving
teenager. Once again, not a whole lot
different from the rest of you I suspect.
Add to that severely lacking in self-confidence and somewhat alone and
boy oh boy, what a prize I was. Truth be
known, I am quite proud of who I was then, I was smart, funny, athletic,
mature, well-mannered and actually a really nice guy. For some reason in the company of others I
have this need to impress and to try too hard.
Again, no difference from oh so many.
Back to the avoidance, I was or at least had always been
afraid of what others thought of me back then.
I didn’t ever feel the need to confront that fear, it was always
optional.
Not sure why I chose this weekend, but I did. And to prove I
wasn’t quite over my fears yet, I left the house 30 minutes later than planned,
and when I arrived, I walked back and forth in front of the venue 5 times
before inhaling deeply and going in. A
man hug from an old buddy, a hug from a woman from 34 years ago and most of the
fear was gone. I had a blast, and
wondered what the big deal was. In all
there were 40-50 folks in all, I managed to say hello to many of them, we
shared laughs, smiles and stories, we shared first crushes, first dumps, I even
found out that I asked a really popular and attractive girl to a grade 9 dance
and she accepted, no memory of that, of course no memory of her ditching me for
a “grandmother’s funeral” either.
Funny how you think of yourself though really isn’t it?
HS was a shitty 5 ½ year journey in so many ways for
me. Memories of loneliness, sadness and
awkwardness easily outweighing the happiness and joy that so many enjoyed.
Saturday I was reminded by an old friend, 30 ought years
later that I wasn’t such a dork, only at times, and that this person actually
really did like my company and hanging with me and being my friend and I was
reminded of the great quote that if you have more than one true friend in your
lifetime you are blessed, Saturday I found out how blessed I was.
Big Q for me is whether or not I would or will do it again,
put myself out there for another reunion and the answer is unequivocally maybe!
posted by G.M. Shier @ Tuesday, December 03, 2013
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