Knapsacks and Paddywacks!!!!
Been a
meaning to write something for ages, just haven’t found time or
energy to put anything to paper.
What brings
me back is a rant of course.
Posted
earlier this week on my FB status: Biggest advertising lie
in the world today: These Knapsacks are so slim-line you
can wear them on a crowded bus and no one will notice.
So for those
of you who, like me, spend their three dollars every morning for the
privilege of squeezing your newly showered and cleaned body onto the
ride of the great unwashed, this rant’s for you.
I remember
years ago, riding the red rocket and at the time there was no or at
least very little advertising on those old rickety subway cars. The
advertising came later, but the plastic placards were
still on board, just used only by the TTC to show station maps etc.
One TTC
billboard stood out. A picture of a teen and an adult on a
crowded subway with their Adidas bags at their feet and a tagline
that read something to the effect of “be kind to other passengers
and place your bags under your seat or at your feet.”
We all saw
it, and maybe because it was the 70’s, and civil disobedience was
becoming a thing of the past, but we all followed it as a rule.
Fast forward
30 plus years and the bag thing has become a huge inconvenience in
subways and buses.
Now here’s
where I get mean and spiteful
I am one of
the Knapsack carrying Transit denizens, and I have NEVER worn my
knapsack past the point where I pay, sadly that can’t be said of
that minority of about 10% of riders who put their bags on as they
leave their offices and take them off when they get home. On
Monday, standing quietly against a wall on a subway, on walked a man
and a woman, both with knapsacks on and they both backed up to me and
stood motionless with their bags about 1 inch away from me – no
problem.
As the train
started to move, so too did the passengers and sure enough as we left
the station I got bumped by the corner of a laptop right in the hand
which was bandaged at the time, now casted, but we ain't going
there! I actually audibly “ouched” and the woman
turned around and scoffed at me. I then tested the waters.
“Would
you mind removing your knapsack, it’s banging into me?” I asked
She turned,
looked me in the eyes and said: “then you should move”
Stunned and
quite pissed off, I returned my eyes to my phone, responded to an
email and carried on my business. Of course buddy’s turn
was next. He (probably on purpose) backed into me, when
the train was running smoothly, hard enough to piss me off. I
asked him the same question. At this point a growing
number of passengers are watching this happen and I know from facial
expressions, none were siding with Dick and Jane. He of
course said no, turned to her and said “what a jerk”
Now I am an
angry man at times. My bark is far worse than my bite, but
I’m also a fairly intelligent man as well. Fighting
these two morons with words and politeness was no longer an option –
this was going to take originality.
The third
time I was bumped, the hardest bump to date, oh and there’s never
an apology because their nerve endings don’t extend 3 feet out of
their backs to the back of the packs. At this point I
tapped them both on the shoulder gently, interrupting their Starbucks
moment together, and told them that they were rude and pompous
assholes. Then, knowing that the gloves were off, I opened
all of the zippers on their knapsacks and pretended that I was
putting stuff in the pockets.
Her reply to
me was “what the fuck do you think you’re doing”
My response
was “it’s on my lap, I figured it was my bag.”
Well, there
it is folks. Want someone to remove their knapsacks? Open
the pockets and pretend to place something in it, or if your balls
are bigger than mine, pretend to take something out.
The knapsacks
were off within 5 seconds and the laughter began. It was
my laughter at first. But within 10 seconds, it was a few
nearby passengers laughing the hardest, when they realized I had
placed NOTHING in these bags.
Next time –
try it – you will be shocked at how much space you get.
posted by G.M. Shier @ Saturday, January 12, 2013
1 Comments:
Well played Mr. Shier!
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